Don't look back
by Moonpie
Summary: Eight years have passed since Blair left New York. What secrets will she uncover and bring back with her?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Remembering

Nate rolled over in bed, breathing heavily. He had had another bad dream. The hot sticky night clung to him as he untwisted himself from his bedsheets. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and got up silently. He looked at himself briefly in the mirror. He was a man of twenty-five. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed and handsome. He ran his hands through his hair, what was he dreaming about? But he already knew. Blair Waldorf. God he had loved her. Eight years had passed but he still couldn't forget her. He reached over to the dresser. Even in the dark his fingers found what he was looking for. The small gold heart she had sewn into his sweater. He fingered for a few moments before returning to bed. The woman beside him rolled over and mumbled something in her sleep. Nate studied her. She was beautiful, blonde, kind and full of personality. But she wasn't Blair. " Natie? Are you ok?" she whispered. " Im fine Serena, go back to sleep" he replied and kissed her softly on the forehead. He knew it was too late for regrets now. He twisted the gold ring on his left hand. He couldn't have Blair so he married her best friend. He pulled back the sheet and looked at Serena's stomach. Her huge, bloated stomach. She was eight months pregnant. Was he ready to be a father? He didn't know but it was too late now. He kissed her belly gently and lay back in bed.

A/N Ok I know that was really short but im just testing my story, I have a big surprise up next! Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Two

Aaron woke with a jerk. He breathed heavily wiping sweat from his face and relaxed. He checked the clock, it read 3 am. Too early for work and too late to be up. He rolled over, kicking off his covers and walked to the kitchen. He lived in his own apartment on the East side which his dad Cyrus had paid for, as Aaron could never earn enough for a penthouse overlooking Central Park. As he opened the fridge door he notice a some Polaroid's taped onto the fridge. It was him and Vanessa. Making smiley faces, funny faces, kissing each other. She must have left them there that morning he thought. He'd been going out with Vanessa on and off for years. He knew that she loved him and if it were up to her they'd be married by now but Aaron had never been able to commit to her. He didn't love Vanessa, he couldn't. He popped open a beer and layback on the couch. He took a deep sigh as he looked at the framed photo on the mantelpiece. Eleanor had left it there for him. It was the only Waldorf – Rose family photo they had ever taken. There was Eleanor and Cyrus cuddling baby Yale, Aaron and Tyler laughing together and Blair cut off from the rest of them scowling. Aaron ran a finger over the smooth glass of the picture, " Why'd you do it Blair?" he murmured. He remembered the night she left vividly.

Aaron relaxed in is room listening to music. Eleanor and Cyrus were out. Tyler was at a friend's house, Blair lived at Vanessa's place and Yale was fast asleep. A sharp banging on the door snapped Aaron out of his music. " Aaron? Aaron are you there? Let me in" Blair's angry voice yelled from outside. Aaron opened up the door just as Blair burst in. She was extremely pissed off but he could tell that she had been crying too. " I can't believe he would do this again! And with Serena for fuck sake! She is supposed to be my best friend!" Blair ranted. " Blair calm down what happened?" Blair's eyes filled with tears, " Aaron I caught them. Nate and Serena together!" she sobbed. " Come here Blair". Aaron wrapped his arms around her in a hug. He breathed in the smell of her hair and sighed. He had never gotten over his crush. He still wanted her so much even though it was wrong on so many levels. " Aaron, I hate him! I'll never forgive him or that bitch Serena!" " Shh" he whispered. Blair looked up at him and kissed him quickly on the lips. " Blair what are you doing?" She giggled, " Well? You want me don't you?". He quickly kissed her back hungrily. Before anything made sense Blair was ripping his shirt off and they were collapsing onto his bed and he just felt like he was drowning in passion…

She left the next morning. No note, nothing. A hastily packed bag and Eleanor's credit card was what she took with her. Aaron knew she spent some brief time in France with her dad but other then that all he knew was that she only contacted her mom and Yale and Tyler. And it had been eight years but he hadn't forgotten. He stroked the picture, " I love you Blair, " he whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

Three

" Natie?" Serena giggled down the phone as she did what she loved most i.e. shopping. " Do you think pink would be too over the top on a boy? If it's a boy I mean." Nate yawned from his lack of sleep and his earlier, excruciating Lacrosse game, " I don't think so, that could scar the kid for life. Anyway Serena I got to go. See you" " Okay Natie I love you!" Serena laughed into the phone. Serena was shopping in Barney's kid section, adding to the hundreds of outfits she had already bought, with her sort-of-friend slash secret admirer Jenny Humphrey. Jenny had sort of swooped in taking Blair's place when Blair left eight years before, now she worked in some art gallery in Soho, Serena never remembered which. " So what about this? Isn't this sort of cute?" Jenny remarked holding up a rather putrid orange onesie. " Oh Jenny that's gorgeous! You have such good taste!" Serena lied casting it aside. Serena busied herself looking at baby pajamas while Jenny eyed her enviously. Even after all these years, after spending high school desperately trying to copy her, Jenny was still nothing like Serena and was still eternally jealous of her. Serena was dressed in summery white Capri's which accentuated her impossibly toned legs, strappy Manohlo Blahnik shoes, a pink cashmere sweater and her waterfalls of golden hair tied in an elegant topknot. Even with a stomach the size of Mount McKinley she looked incredible. " So Serena have you and Nate decided on names yet?" Jenny said as she smeared on some Juicy Tubes. " Oh I have had so many ideas! I mean Nate sort of doesn't mind as long as I'm happy with it. But I was thinking maybe Cordelia for a girl and Julian for a boy. What do you think?" Serena asked brightly. Personally Jenny thought both names were awful but she lied cordially, " They're beautiful Serena. I thought that you might go for Nate junior or something like that." " Oh I thought about that but Nate ruled it out, thought it would get too confusing or something. So you want to go get a pizza? I'm starved." " Uh I sort of have to meet somebody down in Soho in half an hour sorry." Jenny didn't have anyone to meet but thought she'd die seeing Serena wolf down a pizza after seeing her earlier munch her way through a hot dog, a bag of chips and three quadruple chocolate brownies. Serena suddenly jumped up and down excitedly," Kati, Isabel over here!" she screamed as she saw Isabel Coates and Kati Farkas, two former friends from Constance Billard. " Serena!" they simultaneously screamed and all jammed in a group hug while Jenny stood jealously to the side. After half an hour of conversing about her baby plans Serena left Kati and Isabel in Barney's with their usual amount of made-up gossip. " I can't believe how fat she's gotten, she'll never lose that weight you know" Isabel said happily. " I heard that she's actually expecting twins and Nate isn't even the father. The baby's real father is her brother Erik. She's like going to get arrested for incest or something" Kati replied. " I heard that she's not even pregnant, she's using a surrogate but has put on all that weight just so people would think she was the one having it" Isabel whispered. Ahh you can take the girls out of Constance but you can't take Constance out of the girls.

A/N: Ok I changed my writing style so hopefully it's improved. Im so sorry about getting Nate's eye color wrong and I double spacing this time! Your comments were great, thank you all! And I promise that Blair returns in a two chapters time.


	4. Chapter 4

Four

a/n: Okay guys I know you all faithfully responded when I wrote this and I apologise for abandoning it for so long but im gonna make a go of it again so bear with me. . . . .

Blair sat in her cherry red Mercedes convertible in the daily New York traffic. She drummed her fingers on the leather steering wheel and chewed her lip anxiously. This wasn't going to be an easy visit. After storming off without a word eight years previously she didn't expect everyone to welcome her back with open arms. She hadn't kept in touch with anyone besides her Mom and Tyler and Yale. Her Mom often told her Aaron asked about her which frankly freaked Blair out a lot. I mean she knew they'd had sex and all but, like get over it already! Maybe we need to catch up a bit on Blair's life. Okay, she left New York and got on the first plane to France she could find. She lived comfortably with her Daddy for a year and a half before deciding she wanted to go to college. She headed for London where she studied Journalism. And now after hearing about Nate and Serena being married with a kid on the way she was ready to return to New York and kick ass. But eight years was a long time. Suppose everyone forgot about her? Or were mad at her for leaving? She looked around at the beautiful New York surroundings. Car fumes, trash, angry pedestrians and Starbucks. She sighed happily, " I'm back baby" she whispered. First stop Aaron's place.

Aaron was busy flicking through tv channels. Oprah, Spanish soap operas nothing really interested him at all. He heard the a soft knock at the door. "Just a sec Ness" he yelled. Probably Vanessa looking for a nooner as usual. He pulled back the door. He was dreaming he must have been. There in front of him was the lady of his dreams. The mirage he had been chasing for eight years. It couldn't really be here could it? Blair. It was Blair. Just as beautiful ever. Maybe a little rounder, her hair a little shorter but it was her it was Blair. She smiled weakly, " Hi Aaron" she mumbled. " Blair, you're back, you're really back" he said excitedly and rushing to hug her. She stopped him immediately. " Aaron don't please." She sighed . He frowned, " What's wrong?". " Aaron you're not going to like this but there's someone you have to meet." She gestured into the hallway . Aaron looked out. A small girl of about seven stood in the hall. A small pretty girl with Blair's chestnut hair and clear white skin. With eyes of deep grass green. Just like his own. Blair took the girl's stubby hand in her own, " Aaron this is Madison Rose Waldorf" she said softly " Our daughter".


	5. Chapter 5

Five

Aaron felt faint, his eyes started to cloud and he staggered a few steps backward. His kid? This little girl, _Blair's_ little girl was his? He mumbled trying to make sense of it all. And yet it wasn't shock that initially washed over him, it was just disappointment. She didn't come back for him because she cared, it was just because he'd knocked her up. He turned and walked towards the balcony, "Aaron? We need to-" Blair called,"_I_ need a cigarette Blair" he snapped "That's what I need" he said slamming the balcony door shut. Blair sighed, she should've expected he'd be angry and surprised. Madison's stubby little hand remained in her's,"Mommy? Did we make him mad?" she whispered looking up at Blair with her gentle green eyes. This was Madison, so quiet, so kind and worrisome and so unlike Blair. " Honey why don't you sit on the couch and colour him a picture while I talk to him?" Blair replied. She nestled the little girl on the expensive suede with her crayon boxes and sheafs of paper and followed Aaron to the balcony. He was standing slouched at the railing, looking at her moodily with his hair ruffled and blowing smoke out his mouth. "Why?" he snapped "Just why Blair? Why did this happen? Why did you leave? Why didn't you tell me and why are you back?".

"I got pregnant because we slept together Aaron, I thought you'd figure that out. And I left because I was ashamed of who I'd become. I was ashamed of the fact that I'd stoop low enough to use you for sex, to get back at Nate and Serena. I dumped Nate just to toy with him and then I found Serena and him together and felt like the victim even though it was as much my fault as their's. Well maybe a weensy bit more their fault than mine. And well I'm back because firstly I got a job here a few weeks ago working for Blaze magazine and because I missed New York. It's my home, it always has been and eI never should've been gone so long." She whispered the last part and put a hand on his shoulder which he shrugged off,"You still didn't say why you didn't tell me about her. Does your Mom know? Or any of your old friends? Or Nate?" he demanded. " My Mom knows, I never told her who the father was and I told I was too ashamed for any one other than my blood family to know until I was ready. I guess Mom was a bit embarrassed about an unwed teen pregnancy too. And I haven't talked to anyone else, including Nate. Aaron you have to understand, I was in France with my Dad when I found out I was pregnant and my reaction was basically 'Holy shit I can't have a kid'. I was sure I wasn't going to keep her, I booked myself into the clinic dozens of times but I never could muster the courage to do it. I'm hardly the maternal type but this was a little person that belonged to me, I couldn't kill it. So then I told myself I'd have her adopted, I found a family and everything, my Dad begged me not to, he even said he and Dave would adopt her for me. Anyway when I went into labour and she was born and I held this warm little bundle for the first time, I just fell in love. It was more than I ever thought I felt for Nate. So I kept her. And I should have told you but I didn't want to come back, not yet, and I felt like by telling you I was punishing you for what happened which wasn't even your fault, I was drunk and sad and you were there for me. I would have ruined your relationship with Vanessa. I finally decided I had to come back because Maddy asked me once if her Dad was dead because she never met him. And if he wasn't dead did he not like her? I can't punish her for my mistakes anymore. And I am sorry" she finished. Aaron ran his hand through his hair, " What's she like?" he asked timidly. Blair smiled gently"Like you. She's not like me at all. She's thoughtful and shy and cares about everyone. She likes to draw and paint. She loves horses. Her accent is awful, it's a mixture of my upper class New York and middle class London where she grew up while I was in college. And I think you two would really hit it off" Aaron sniffed and nodded. "I still don't know if I can fully forgive you. And I want our parents to know who her father is" he said. Blair nodded and opened the balcony door. Aaron went inside to meet his daughter.


	6. Chapter 6

Six

"Serena darling you must try the goat cheese salad" Eleanor Waldorf Rose simpered over her menu at Trellis Café where she was having one of her sporadic luncheons with Serena Archibald. Serena was already ploughing through a butternut squash soup with helpings of white buttered rolls on the side which said to everyone that it's been said before but life truly is not fair. Serena was working a yummy nautical mummy look with a Tommy Hilfiger striped blue and pink dress, a white cashmere cardi and her voluminous tresses pulled into an elegant chignon. They ordered their meals, Caesar salad for Eleanor, filet mignon for Serena, and made small talk.

"How is Yale doing? I heard she was doing a violin solo in the school orchestra."

"She sure did, her and Chopin bind together like a silk tapestry when she plays. Poor Blair was never musical; she was more of an actress I suppose. Anyway dear how are you? I haven't spied too much of you on the social scene since you hit the second trimester."

"Well Natie wants me to take it easy, I'm due in three weeks" Serena said breathily.

Eleanor clapped her hands excitedly," Three weeks and you will have a glorious little replica of you and Nate! I can't believe how fast it has gone darling! It seems like only yesterday I was at your wedding. Actually it seems like only yesterday that you and Blair were having all those silly fights over Nate. If Blair hadn't left who knows how things would've turned out".

Serena bit her tongue and in her always calm happy demeanor replied "Who knows Eleanor?" The comment had stung a little because in truth, Serena really didn't know. Serena and Nate started dating on and off when Blair left. Serena felt like they were in love but too many times she had seen the look on his face when they were in the midst of sex, the searching look begging her to be someone else. He had cheated now and again of course but she forgave and they got married. Their wedding was beautiful, Jenny Humphrey, Kati Coates and Isabel Farkas were bridesmaids, Erik gave her away, and no one would've known that the happy couple had had a blazing argument that very morning.

Serena had been changing in her church dressing room, applying finishing touches to her flawless make up when Nate came in the door stony faced and somber. Serena grabbed her bathrobe, "Natie! Get out you're not supposed to see me before the wedding it's bad luck." She giggled, "Unless of course you want a little pre marital fumble!" Nate's lip quivered slightly,"Nate? What is it? What's wrong" Serena whispered, hoping it wasn't what she expected. "I just don't know Serena. I don't think I can do it" he whispered. Serena felt tears welling up potentially destroying her face so she turned to the mirror, "It's okay it's just nerves, jitters. It happens to everyone honey. Once it's over you'll feel fine because we're going to be happy together". She smoothed her dress and turned to him putting a hand on his cheek, he took it in his and dropped it "No I've felt like this for a while Serena. I don't think this is right, I'm not sure we're meant for each other".

"Why not? We've been together for so long. Since kids practically."

"Any doubt is too much Serena"

"This isn't about doubt. It's what it's always about. Her. Blair Waldorf." Serena started to raise her voice." You could never forget her ever. So you strung me along for years as the next best thing is that it Nate? And you decide on our wedding day to tell me you were wrong?" she yelled.

"That's not it at all. You're not so innocent yourself Serena. You weren't saying no. You never could to anyone especially me" Nate shouted coldly.

Serena felt punched, "How could you say that to me? I sacrificed me and Blair for me and you. And if you really loved her why did you keep running back to me?"

"Serena I just can't. I need time to think. Maybe it's too soon."

"Well it's too late to reconsider Nate."

"The guests will understand. We're rich enough to do this in a little while if we still want to"

"That's not what I mean. I wanted to wait until Hawaii to tell you but I'm pregnant" she blurted. Nate's expression dropped. Instead of an explosion of fury or even happiness he simply said quietly and evenly, "I see. I'll see you on the altar" and left the room. They had smiled and cut the cake and flew to Hawaii where they frolicked on the beach and made love every night. Serena neglected her pill and fell pregnant for real in Hawaii.

"Serena?" Eleanor prodded, Serena jerked back to reality," Excuse me what?" she said. "I said speaking of Blair, she got a job here in New York. I'm sure she'll be so glad to see you again". Serena's eyes bulged, Blair back? What would Nate do? What would she do? How could Blair see her this fat? "I'm sorry Eleanor I really must go lie down, excuse me" Serena apologized, exiting the restaurant quickly. Blair was back. Serena's first thoughts; shit shit and double shit.


	7. Chapter 7

Seven

Nate liked to work out. He liked his personal trainer Natalie even more though. She was short with honey blonde hair and a tight little ass and nice rounded breasts. He was at the gym pulling weights with Natalie leaning over him every few minutes to adjust the machine giving him a nice view of her rack. "Very good Nate" she said cheerily. She was one of those perky inspirational personal trainers who told you never to give up and all that shit. He lifted the dumbbell one more time and dropped it, "Okay it's time to quit" he said, "I've had enough". "But we've only just started Nate" Natalie chirped, her ponytail bobbing. "I think I know a better way to exercise than weights" Nate said cockily raising one eyebrow. Natalie giggled"You are so bad Nate.I'll sue you in a sec for harassment". "Well than if I have nothing to lose" Nate replied and seized the day putting his hands on her hips, pulling her close and kissing her lips. Natalie pulled back,"Nate we are in a gym and I am a trainer and you are a client and it's not that you are unattractive it's just that . .well . ." she stammered. Nate sighed, "The weight room is empty so lock the doors Nat. I know you want me so let's cut the bullshit".

He laid her down on a yoga mat and swiftly peeled away her spandex leotard starting at the shoulders. He whipped off her sports bra and panties effortlessly and eyed her naked and sweaty for a moment before plunging down to devour those perfect curves. He kissed each breast, her belly button and her hips. She sighed and panted while Nate parted her with his hands and thrust rhythmically, rising and collapsing into her before they both came together. She sat up and quickly began to cry"Nate that was wrong. So wrong. I'm going to lose my job and I love this job. I'm not like this. I'm not a slut. I don't sleep with guys on yoga mats. You were special. But I can't sacrifice my job for a relationsip with you" she sobbed. "I understand Natalie"Nate soothed. "You do?"she asked timidly. "Yes we won't mention it again" he replied. She gushed her gratitude pitifully while Nate disentangled himself and left. He'd held off a while on Natalie but with a baby coming in three weeks he had needed a stress reliever.


End file.
